Begining Again

I talked about this poem a lot in class so I thought I would just pick one line that stood out to me the most. "Off all alone again performing brain surgery on himself" When I first read this I actually visualized a twisted man in scrubs performing brain surgery on himself. But then I thought of how I am constantly devoted trying to perform psychological exams on my self. I can think the most simple thing. "Oh I like that girl's shirt." Then I immediately think do I really like her shirt or do I think that to hide that I'm subconsciously think shes ugly? Why do I feel the need to think every one is pretty to raise their self confidence in my mine when in its only in my mind and it wont really help at all? Did I just think shes ugly because I am threatened by her for potential mates? Am I really this shallow and mentally back stabbing? Why do I automatically search for the darkest evilest parts of my personality? Do I want myself to be evil? I will eventually drive my self crazy with my bombarding questions, all because I liked her shirt. Then I wonder dose any one else do this or am I completely crazy, so when Raab mentioned this I felt less crazy and more human.

The title of the poem related to these thoughts as well, because every time I do this I make some goal to work on my personality. I will also make impossible goal to change my life, like oh I'm going to study for this test every day and not be judgemental. These goals are just lies to myself because every time i make them i think this is the new me I'm beginning again, but I all ways stay true to my flaws and not follow through.